Life in the trenches was never easy,
Our first attack was hard
And the night after was even harder
We had guards up night and day
Waiting for that one moment when
All would turn to chaos like the sea when a hurricane hits
One day the captain told us to line up
We all knew it would come sooner or later
The over the top attack or as we called it “Running from the Devil”
My squad was lucky; we got to take a side trail,
It eventually leads up to no-man’s land, and was still dangerous
But hay it was better than having to hop up to hell
We fought and fought for what seemed like months,
I started to notice that the enemy was dropping back, yes what a relief
Then I turn around to witness what I had forgotten
We had lost men too, and were also moving back
“Would it always be like this, never ending like the sea of stars we look up at every night” I thought
And so with my last reserve of energy left I start the long walk back to the Trench
Cites:
www.firstaif.info/42/images-42/trench-warfare.jpg
http://personal.monm.edu/JDRENDEL/Trench%20Warfare.htm
http://www.harris-academy.com/departments/history/Trenches/Joanna/joanna1.htm
http://herstory07.wordpress.com/2008/05/25/more-like-a-monday/
http://history.howstuffworks.com/world-war-i/christmas-truce.htm
http://www.old-picture.com/civil-war/Warfare-Trench.htm
3 comments:
Jonathan,
I really enjoyed reading your poem. I like the way it's like a story. You grouped the stanzas together well, and you put a lot of detail into it. I like the way we can feel what the boy is feeling. Maybe you could work on your line breaks. They should break when you speak, and feel there is a pause.
Good Job!!!!
Jonathan,
I like how the poem is like a story about a soldier's life in the trenches during WWI. I think you described the WWI very well. Also, the pictures fitted well to the poem. But I think adding some figurative languages could have made the poem more poetic. GOOD JOB, JONATHAN!!
HyeJin
Jonny,
Your poem was very catchy. I liked how it was from a soldier's point of view, and how you described everything like you had already experienced it. I did catch a spelling error, but i'm not sure if you wanted to say it or not. Towards the end of the poem there was a line that said "But hay it was better..." did you want to say hay? or hey.
i really liked the last paragraph, sea of stars. Maybe at the beginning add more of a catchy start to it? It gives me an imagery in my head as i read along. I recommend you can work on your line breaks, because they give pauses, and the way you have them right now doesn't make much sense to me. The pictures fitted the poem in smoothly. Overall, i think you did a really nice job with this poem, just maybe a little more editing would have made it better. Nice job Jonny
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