Oh my stomach I thought as I was being pulled up the conveyer belt of the roller coaster. Too much soda and junk food mixed with pure anxiety and a hint of fear. As I rode to the top my heart started to thump in my ears. The conveyer belt came to a screeching halt. We were at the top! Then slowly and ever so slowly we started the great plunder. At first I thought I was going to throw up, but then it all went away. I was fine. The wind rushed past me as if I was only a piece of dust in the wind. The carts all clattered and shook violently as the decent stopped. Whoosh we went around the turn as if a car was about to hit a wall but just missed it. We flew violently from side to side as we rounded turns and flew up and down. Then came the looped da loop. I held on for my life. We started the climb but as we reached the top time seemed to stop. I waited and waited for use to go down. And we finally did. We swished out of the looped da loop and started to stop. As soon as it had started, it had ended. I got off and said to myself "lets do that again."
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
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3 comments:
Jonathan,
I really like your roller coaster story. I like the way you describe the jolts and the way you were scared to go down. I think you could have told us why you weren't scared anymore, when you were going down.
Other than that, it was great!
Kaveen :)
YAY!! Johnny cake...:)You did a very good job with your description, I really liked the way you used sensory detail like the feeling in your stomach or the thumping of your heart, this all gave it all a feeling of reality. Also your choice of metaphors and similes were very good, like a dust in the wind or a car narrowly missing a wall. Your piece made me feel like I was really there, with you. I hope you keep up your writing like this for the future...
GOOD
JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Lukas
Jonathan, I think you did a really good job :]I like the part where you talk about.. "The wind rushed past me as if i was only a piece of dust.." I got a strong sense of how you felt at that part. You really described most parts well, but there was also some parts that you could've described more. The part where you talk about the cart going "side to side and up and down," you could've talked about it a bit more, but all in all, it was very good :]
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